Boomerang kids: Managing an adult child’s return home

When you were a kid, the concept of a boomerang may have seemed cool: You throw it and it flies right back to you. But there are some things in life you don’t want to return, like the memory of your first awkward kiss, a significant other who’s now quite insignificant, or even a bounced check. Then there are your kids: They grow up, strike out on their own, and sometimes … move back in.

For some parents, having grown children boomerang back home—perhaps with a spouse, kids, or pets in tow—might seem like a blessing. For others, not so much.

Forty-six percent of U.S. adults ages 40 to 65 with children ages 18 to 35 say they’ve had an adult child move back home at some point, according to a survey by Thrivent, a financial services organization.

Grown kids move back home for all sorts of reasons. Some are practical; maybe they’re finishing school, saving up to buy a home, or bridging the gap between rentals. Others are more personal, such as job loss, divorce, or medical issues. In some cases, the reasons are serious: Adult children may be leaving an abusive relationship, managing an addiction, recovering from bankruptcy, or navigating an unexpected pregnancy.

Whatever the reason, setting some ground rules can go a long way toward protecting everyone’s privacy—and your sanity.

How to split expenses when your adult child moves back home

Some parents charge rent when a grown child moves back home, particularly if they’re working full time. Others waive rent if their child is dealing with job loss, medical issues, or saving to buy a home. Either way, expect household expenses to go up—and decide early on how those extra costs will be covered.

• Utilities: More people in your household means more showers, more electricity and natural gas usage, and heavier Internet use. Utility costs, including your Internet plan if it needs to be upgraded, will likely go up.
• Groceries: With another adult in the house, you can expect food costs to increase. Decide whether your child will buy their own groceries, contribute to shared and takeout meals, or take on some of the cooking as a way to help with the added work, offset costs, or even substitute for paying rent. If your child is splurging on restaurant meals or fancy takeout while contributing little to household expenses, you’ll want to have a conversation about what’s fair.
• Health insurance and medical expenses: If your child is under age 26, they may still be covered under your health insurance plan. If they’re older or have a spouse or children, they’ll need their own coverage. If your child is unemployed, talk about how they’ll pay for medical costs, whether through a part-time job with benefits, Medicaid (if they qualify), or a plan from your state or the federal health insurance marketplace.
• Moving costs: When your child is ready to move back out, talk through who will cover the costs, such as moving expenses, a rental deposit, or a down payment on a purchase of a home or condo, along with other necessary purchases, like furniture or household items.

Other financial support to consider for your boomerang child

If your child moves back in because of financial hardship, you might consider providing a lump sum in the form of a gift or cosigning a lease when the time comes for them to move back out again. But if you have other children, weigh what’s fair. Rather than a gift of money, a loan may be more appropriate. It can be paid back over time or deducted from any future inheritance. Whichever choice you make, don’t lose sight of your own financial goals, including your retirement plans.

How to make space for your adult child and their belongings

Welcoming a grown child—and all their stuff—back into your home can feel overwhelming. Even a new college grad might arrive with piles of clothes, electronics, and furniture. Finding space for everything takes some thought and planning.

• Storage of household goods: If you have a garage or attic, you may be able to store some of your child’s belongings there—at least temporarily. If not, renting a storage unit may be a reasonable solution. Ensure items are stored in areas that are dry and have stable temperatures to prevent damage from moisture or extreme heat or cold.
• Parking: If your child has a car, consider where they’ll park. Paid parking may be an option if garage or driveway space are limited, or if there are local parking restrictions.
• Bedrooms: Identify suitable sleeping arrangements for your returning child. If their former bedroom or a guest room is available, those can be ideal. Alternatively, repurposing a home office, bonus room, or basement might be necessary, potentially requiring some remodeling. If your child is bringing a significant other, discuss and agree on sleeping arrangements that respect everyone’s comfort and privacy.
• Closet space: If your home lacks sufficient closet space for your child’s belongings, consider clearing out some of your own items. Creating room offers an opportunity to declutter and donate things you no longer want or need. You may be able to offer an unused wardrobe or dresser, install shelves, or acquire under-bed storage containers.
• Bathrooms: If sharing a bathroom is necessary, establishing a schedule can help ensure everyone has the time and space they need—although it may not be practical for every household. Creating guidelines for storage and routine cleaning also helps, and so can using portable caddies to transport toiletries.

When your child’s spouse and kids move in, too

Sometimes children return home with much more than they left with. If your child moves back in with a partner or children, setting clear expectations can help ensure a peaceful household. It’s equally vital that you acknowledge and respect your child’s role as an adult with their own perspectives. Open communication and mutual respect can help balance everyone’s needs and preferences.​

When young children are part of a multigenerational household, discuss house rules—such as no jumping on furniture or where food can be eaten. Decisions about homework, bedtime, and use of electronics are typically the parents’ responsibility. Clear communication can help ensure everyone understands and respects these boundaries.

Setting expectations with your adult child

Talk openly with your child when they first move back in—and as needed over time—to help you both learn how to live together again with as little stress as possible. If it makes sense, set a realistic time frame for their stay. If your child is unemployed, discuss when you expect them to begin looking for work. The same is true for paying rent, regardless of their employment situation. Expectations can be adjusted as time passes, but it’s a good idea to ensure you’re starting on the same page to limit surprises and misunderstandings.

• Privacy: Make sure everyone in the house has the privacy they need.
• Quiet hours: Establish quiet hours for music and TV in shared areas of the home. If young children are part of the household, bedtime routines might influence when things wind down.
• Chores: Discuss responsibilities such as laundry and shared tasks like yard work.
• Decor: Decide if your child is allowed to decorate their space with their belongings or continue to use your decor. You may need to store your bedding and towels during their stay. If you allow your child to paint or make other changes, determine ahead of time if they need to return things to their previous condition when they move out.
• Pets: If your child’s pet is moving in, too, it helps to be clear about who handles feeding, cleanup, and general care. It’s also a good idea to agree on how to handle any damage to your home.
• Advice: Having your adult child back at home can make it easy to slip into old parent-child roles. Remember that your child is now grown. You may not always agree with their choices, and it might be tempting to step in with advice, but allowing them to make their own decisions can help maintain the peace.

The bottom line

You got your kids through the tough stuff: potty training, adolescence, ensuring they got an education, starting at their first job, and maybe learning to drive. After your children moved out, you were able to cut back your expenses. You may have downsized and saved a bit more for retirement. Now that they’re back in your day-to-day life, make sure you agree to a time frame for their stay and other parameters.

Although it’s tempting to do everything you can for your children, make sure you don’t neglect your own needs—including saving for your future. A boomerang can hit you in the back of the head, but it can also come safely into your hand until you release it back into the world.